Dear Mom,

I am writing to you so I can get this out with getting choked up and emotional. I am very hurt and very sad.
This morning when you got up you told me I couldn't eat the garbage bags.
Then you pushed me off of the desk and told me I wasn't supposed to be up there and FINALLY . . . you picked me up and went "Oooph! George you're getting fat!"

I am not fat!

I'm . . . husky.

And muscular and big boned.

I am not FAT!

I could still chase a mouse if I had to. If there were mice.

Which is another thing. There are no mice in this house!

You need to bring some home.

How am I supposed to GET exercise if there aren't any mice to chase? (I watch cartoons. I get the picture.)

Love love love
DOUGAL

PS Please don't bring home any SMART mice. They're harder to catch.